Helplessness That Renders One Mute
I saw it. I saw it with my own eyes, over and over, again and again. My visions love to be about someone's misery, and I think that this is the most miserable I had ever seen anybody.Thus I had known for a very long time that she would leave him. With my own eyes, I saw her jump down the drain, and I had seen it many times over before she really did it.
Hers was a despair of vivid and bright pain, and of burning hatred. Seeing her cry in the corner when she thought nobody was looking, that was sad. Seeing her smile at her friends while sobs were pulling at her lips, that was sadder. Watching her try to explain to her love and get no comfort at all, that tore at my heart. I didn't blame her for feeling alone even though she was surrounded by friends. Watching her made me feel alone. Nobody understood what she was going through.
And her despair grew until she made the last decision, the last free choice that Hoborg had given her. I saw her as I kept watch for the lake bottom. She stood on the edge for a long time before she jumped.
But, however bright her pain was... I don't think it compared to his pain. Because he didn't understand anything. And the visions of him... oh, they were much more numerous than visions of her.
Hers was a slow torture, and she had broken free by her own free will. His was a sudden curse, an implosion of his universe – we were supposed to get married in five days. I think that she understood what she would do to him by leaving. Her sin is all the greater for it. And she always understood it.
He didn't.
I saw him come by the drain. He had sneaked away from his brothers to stand on its edge and stare down. He wanted to jump. He wanted to jump so badly. Nothing made sense anymore, I heard him mumbling.
His was a despair of all layers of him turned and violated, and of helplessness that renders one mute.
But I knew that he wouldn't jump. If he did, I would have seen him. I hadn't seen what he would do. And that intrigued me. What good thing could come of this agony?
And then he turned. He walked away from the drain. From the old life. He went to the Castle. And he forged himself a new life in her stead.
The boy... I liked the boy.
