She is fragile
Imagine holding a crystal in your hand and knowing that any movement will break it. If your finger twitches, it will shatter. If your breath touches it, it will fall to pieces instantly. If you try to set it down, afraid of holding it any longer, it will disintegrate and become dust. That is how Caline is.
Sometimes I wonder if Hoborg created her to be prone to suffering. Does he think that the defining trait of a girl is to be sensitive to what others think of her? If he created her to be that way… then I don’t know what to do, because it would have been an act of unspeakable cruelty. Caline suffers deeply and inconsolably, and no intent seems important enough to justify creating someone who feels such vivid, bright pain.
Even though Neverhoodians have little notion or fear of physical pain, they can still feel emotional pain. I have seen people in excruciating pain. I have been told by my own brother that he was going to jump down the drain because he couldn’t bear the weight of his own life anymore. So when Caline does irrational things in her deep pain, I understand why. But does it excuse her merciless, vengeful deeds? I don’t know. Should I encourage her when she takes her helpless anger out on someone? I don’t know. I don’t think I should. But if my finger as much as twitches… I am so, so afraid that one day she will also decide to jump.
Sometimes, when her days are as black as coal, I find the most cynical solace in thinking – knowing – that I cannot help her. I cannot fight her battles. I cannot make her worst fears go away. It is cruel of me. I want the best for her. This is not the friend she deserves.
But what can I do with such a fragile flower than to keep holding it and hope for the best?
