The Ultimate Sauce

Once upon a time, there was a powerful king. His name was Hoborg and his land was called the Neverhood. It was a small land, with only thirty-or-so inhabitants, but Hoborg loved it all the same. Every day he would gaze out the window and wonder how he could make his subjects happy.
Now, Hoborg was a creator. Making things out of nothing was his passion and his imagination was boundless. So, one day he thought:
“What if I made a sauce that made any food taste great?”
He set right to it. He created all kinds of flavours and seasonings, mixed every food which the Neverhood produced and tested the resulting blends. None of his creations met his expectations, however. Some were too sweet when eaten on their own, others turned sour when combined with fruits, and others yet left this strange aftertaste that Hoborg couldn’t quite pin down. But the king was nothing if not patient. After a painstaking month of research and experiment, he prevailed. By a stroke of luck, he was able to create the ultimate sauce which made any food taste absolutely fantastic.
Hoborg was very happy with his creation. He began singing and dancing with joy, and when his children asked what the matter was, he said:
“Tell this to everyone! Tomorrow there will be a great feast. Let everyone bring food and we shall eat the ultimate sauce!”
The news spread like wildfire and soon every Neverhoodian was giddy with anticipation. All kinds of food were gathered to go with the sauce: mulberries, sandwiches, fwasheep mush, potatoes, gravy; anything and everything that could be eaten. One of the Neverhoodians, called Nehmen, even convinced the rest that such a grand feast wouldn’t be complete without weasel meat. A weasel hunt was conducted an hour later and the mighty crab’s meat was added to the menu.
On the next day, however, the sauce was gone.
Immediately Hoborg thought of who the culprit could be. There was a Hoodian who would compulsively steal things and only return them weeks or months later. It was, in fact, the aforementioned Nehmen. Hoborg called him to the Throne Room for an audience. He wasn’t very surprised when Nehmen’s two brothers, Nike and Krevel, tagged along as well.
“So what did he do this time?” Nike asked.
“The sauce we were supposed to have today is gone,” Hoborg said. “And I was wondering who might have taken it.”
“I don’t have it,” Nehmen said immediately. “I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t have it. Maybe it got lost. A bird took it and dropped it into the void. Or maybe it disappeared on its own.”
“Sauces don’t just disappear,” Nike said.
“Never mind that,” Nehmen said. “Look Hoborg, maybe you should just create more of the sauce. I know what everyone’s thinking, but I don’t have the sauce and I can’t return it. Honest to all my dads!”
“Come on,” Krevel said, “you can tell us. No one’s going to know, it’s just the three of us and Hoborg. Dad, you haven’t told anyone yet, have you?”
Hoborg shook his head. “I thought I might go straight to the source.”
Krevel turned back to Nehmen. “See? It’s okay. You can just give the sauce back and we’ll all forget this ever happened.”
But Nehmen shook his head stubbornly. “I said I don’t have it! Why doesn’t anyone believe me?”
“Because,” Nike said, rolling his eyes, “every time something goes missing, it’s your fault! For Quater’s sake… Just stop making excuses and give the sauce back already!”
“I said, I don’t have it!” Nehmen shrieked. Tears sprang to his eyes and he began sniffling.
“Aww,” Krevel said and rubbed his brother’s back. “Don’t be so harsh on him, Nike. Come on, Nehmen. It’s not such big deal. It’s just a sauce. Hm… how about a trade? I’ll do you a middling favour in return for telling us where you hid the sauce. Two hours tops and no big probs.”
Nehmen just shook his head.
“A big favour then?”
“For Quater’s sake,” Nike said. “Don’t bribe him to do the right thing. Nehmen, stop being such a pushover over a bottle of sauce! Why are you being so troublesome?”
But Nehmen kept shaking his head and crying.
“I think it might be because he really doesn’t have the sauce,” Hoborg said. He heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry, Nehmen. I blamed you without any real proof. Just… you three, tell everyone that the feast will be delayed a little. I’ll try to create more of the sauce. It won’t be as good as the original batch, but it will have to do.”
“We’ll spread the news,” Nike said. All three bowed and left.
Thus Hoborg set to making the ultimate sauce again. The recipe he had previously used was so complicated that he couldn’t recall all its details. He remembered the main points, however, and that was enough. Two hours later, he had created another bottle of sauce. It was quite similar to the original sauce, he reckoned, though it wasn’t quite as good.
Hoborg brought his new creation to the South Plain, where the feast was taking place. Everyone welcomed him cheerfully and gathered around for his speech.
“This sauce,” Hoborg said, raising the bottle up high, “was created for all of you to enjoy. It was made out of love, so it will make almost anything taste great. Now, enjoy!”
His children cheered and clapped. Someone pressed a weasel sandwich into Hoborg’s hands. The king poured a bit of his sauce on the sandwich and passed the bottle on. When he bit into the meal, his mouth was filled with joy and wonder. The sauce wasn’t perfect… but it was still very, very good.
Happily Hoborg chewed and watched his children try the sauce. Every time someone dug in and their eyes lit up and they exclaimed something like “this is so good”, Hoborg’s heart skipped and rejoiced. Their smiles were what he lived for. And it didn’t seem like anyone was bothered by the fact that the sauce wasn’t perfect.
Gradually the feast turned into a laid-back picnic. Games were played and tales were told. A few Hoodians brought musical instruments and played them, others danced. Hoborg was watching them, enjoying a glass of mulberry juice, when someone tapped him on the shoulder.
“Hey, uh,” Nehmen said in a slightly anxious tone, “thanks for the sauce, dad! It’s really good. Not as good as the first one, but still really good.”
Hoborg gave him a look. “How would you know that?” he asked.
Nehmen twirled his stem around his fingers. “Well… I went to the library yesterday evening. When I was going through the Throne Room, I saw this bottle. I thought someone had left a drink there… and it smelled so nice… so I drank it. It tasted so good, I just drank it all. And when the bottle was empty, I thought… Wait… was this Hoborg’s new sauce?” He shrugged, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, dad. I didn’t mean to ruin your work like that.”
Hoborg patted Nehmen’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Everything turned out alright in the end. Thank you for telling me.”
Nehmen brightened up. “So you forgive me?”
“Yes,” Hoborg said, “I forgive you.”
“Yay!” Nehmen squealed and hugged him. “Thank you! And please don’t tell anyone.” He winked at him mischievously. “See you around!”
Hoborg waved goodbye to the boy, shaking his head. Sometimes Nehmen was nothing but trouble… but he still had a good heart.
Hoborg fumbled for his glass of juice. But it was gone.
“Nehmen…” he sighed.


     

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