Interview

KIFU: Sir, what's your opinion of turtlecest?

ROSS: A way to spend free time and some quality material to dream over while doing boring stuff.

XILE: An unecassary toxin in the world of TMNT. Turtlecest goes beyond just being gay, it breaks every law of family.

ROSS: For example, the law that children take turns in washing the dishes.

KIFU: How so?

XILE: You see-It sets a bad example for everyone. It is not natural, let's say it is more artificial

ROSS: By bad example you mean that in Bible the children of Adam and Eve did bad, having kids with each other and thus creating humanity?

KIFU: Can you explain turtlecest in your own words, so that readers (listeners) can understand what it is you're talking about?

ROSS: Pretty much the same what other fandoms do – pair up the most important characters. Only here they happen to be brothers.

XILE: Not only that, but family is of the same gene, it causes disease and abnormal behaviour to have a cest background.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Forget about Christianity, there's solid genetic evidence that the human race origins from one mother.

XILE: …You would look pretty awkward with a brother or sister and call them your 'partner'.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Yeah, because the old Egyptian pharaohs totally looked awkward when they married their half-sisters.

XILE: …Turtlecest is a stupid idea some horny toad came up with one day while on drugs watching old TMNT episodes.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: *gasp* Rasputin?!

XILE: …It deals with a bromantical idea that the turtles would fall in love with eachother. Not just in couples, but the most cherished idea from what I've seen is that they all become a 'partner'. Many teen girls seem to cherish this idea the most. While a very great variety of teen boys seem to like it as well.

ROSS: I have to admit, OT4 is hot. It’s also a way to give attention to all the turtles and reach everybody’s full potential instead of just focusing on an OTP.

KIFU: I see. So in a normal society it would be considered porn?

ROSS: *snort* „Normal“ society? What do you mean by „normal“? The society of anticesters? What other society would you consider normal than the world society? And I’m pretty sure that that’s just what is presented to you right now, because you know, I’m not American. A lot of cesters aren’t.

XILE: *cough* um w-well yes it would, let's not get that deep though heh '

ROSS: Of course some of it is porn, don’t be afraid to say that!

KIFU: Yes let's try to keep this interview PG. Why do you think this appeals to some groups of people?

XILE: Often, I think it is because of personal issues in real life

ROSS: Mmm, agreed. I know I’ve got issues, like, nobody seems to want to sleep with me. *sigh*

KIFU: How would that relate to sexually linking the brothers?

XILE: There own desires, they can't find what they want in reality…

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Because let’s face it, getting laid isn't that easy when you’re single.

XILE: …and intend on using their passions in fantasy. I wouldn't mind it so much as I do now if it were not for one thing... it's a public name that many TMNT fans know about. They also pronounce this arangement or love as Yaoi X Yaoi

ROSS: Let me translate that: I don’t mind that people are sick monsters who support incest, I mind the fact that they have the courage to tell others. And by „Yaoi X Yaoi“… do you mean two pairings together? Like OT4? *brightens up*

KIFU: Do you feel turtlecest is growing in popularity in the general public?

XILE: Unfortunately, yes I do. Because of the fact that this is 'fantasy' they feel they may get away with whatever they feel like.

ROSS: …Don’t I? My thoughts are still private, aren’t they? And even if I post t-cest stuff on the internet, it can still be avoided, right? Like, by clicking the Back button. As long as I follow some rules about presenting it to others (and I believe that most turtlecesters do), why shouldn’t I get away with whatever I feel like?

KIFU: How do you think this popularity could be stopped, if it is such a vial view on things.

ROSS: It can’t be, believe me. It’s like trying to fight the tide: They just keep coming…

XILE: I believe, if we were able to get to the root of the problem... we would find a way to stop it.

ROSS: But… you already have. „There own desires, they can't find what they want in reality and intend on using their passions in fantasy.“ I think this is the main reason why fantasy exists at all. Writers compensate for their life in their work.

KIFU: You said earlier the root of the problem is mental problems within the human brain. How can we change those mental problems?

XILE: Now I didn't state that it was a 'mental problem' but you did nail that one pretty well, because it is.

KIFU: Why thank-you ^^.

ROSS: Ugh.

XILE: Now here's how we would find the root of the issue, the origin of turtlecest must be found. By setting out the truth, because they don't realize how toxic turtlecest could truly be. They don't realize it can effect those in real life...

ROSS: How, tell me. I really really want to know how me liking t-cest is going to affect my neighbour who has no idea at all.

KIFU: In your opinion, what could these dark thoughts tenticle into the general opinion of the TMNT?

ROSS: Before t-cest: Well, it’s like four mutant turtle brothers that fight… After t-cest: Well, it’s like four mutant turtle brothers that fight… and some people think that they screw each other…

XILE: Imagine having a population of people who agree with finding a partner of any species or from any part of the human race.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: You compare finding a partner of a different race to finding a partner of a different species (bestiality). You racist bastard.

XILE: …And that people would agree that the turtles can be whatever you want them to be, not only that, but they would lose all of their innocense. It would permanently darken the clean slate of TMNT. You couldn't look at them without, in your mind, pairing them up as couples

ROSS: But the TMNT already have a darkened slate. When I look at those happy-go-lucky sweethearts from the old toon, I can’t help but remember some of the gore/way-too-masculine pictures that, mind you, have nothing to do with turtlecest. The people who made them were only stretching the idea of ninjas (hired killers) further than the toon did. The same way with a responsible turtlecester. I mean, anyone can see that the way they behave in the toons, they probably wouldn’t jump each other on the first occasion. Everybody who writes a turtlecest fic first gives the turtles a background that THEY have made up, simply because it isn’t stated in the toon. Much like the blood and killing. So, no clean slate. Nuh-huh.

KIFU: I see.

XILE: Little children would eventually be exposed. It's free porn.

ROSS: And what makes it special among the hords of other free porn? By the way, define „little“. Is 16 little? Have you also been corrupted by turtlecest, are you also scarred for life? Poor thing, then I suggest you stop searching for it, it might do even more damage.

KIFU: Ah. Do you believe that regular porn is a growing issue world-wide?

XILE: Only in some parts of the general public, people are beginning to believe phsychologically that it is alright to be exposed to exotic nudity. And that this exotic form of porn may bring them to a new satisfaction

ROSS: You guys are quite enthusiastic about porn, aren't you? To think that the first time it was mentioned, Xile cramped: „um w-well yes it would, let's not get that deep though heh“

KIFU: Right. Sir, do you believe that exposing younger and younger groups of people to porn would be more beneficial or more hurtful in future years?

XILE: Hurtful, you couldn't possibly have a single relationship, let alone be happy with one particular sex. Or having a human partner for that matter

ROSS: Oh, so when a sleeping two-month child witnesses his/her parents having sex because the mother is too cautious to put him/her to another room, the child cannot have a human partner when he/she’s an adult?

KIFU: And why is that?

XILE: It steeps into different area's, such as beastiality.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Weren’t we talking about porn in general?

XILE: …The turtles are directly half human and half animal. Eventually, humans may start to lust for the animals instead of humans...

ROSS: Ooh, I get it now! I’ll give an example from my own life. I have a 9-year-old sister who loves TMNT and was actually the one to guide me to it. We share the bedroom, so sooner or later, she was bound to see what pictures I work on. She was like, „Eww, what’s that?“ and I said, „That’s not for kids.“ and I tried to hide it but she said, „No, lemme look.“ and I said, „No.“ and she said, „Aww.“ and went away. What you were trying to say is that, because of this early encounter of turtlecest, my sister won‘t „possibly be able to have a single relationship, let alone be happy with one particular sex. Or having a human partner for that matter.“ Mm. I’m one lousy older sister. I’ve just destroyed her entire life.

KIFU: And that would just lead to chaos.

ROSS: Yes, beware the children who’ve seen t-cest!

XILE: It would lead to disorder, and world-wide insanity. Everything would fall out of place

ROSS: Anarchy!!

KIFU: Bringing this interview back to the initial subject, do you think that when people write turtlecest that they might be expressing sexual concerns that they might have with their partner?

XILE: Absolutely, in fact, that may be exactly why it's being produced! They hope to find love in anything and everything.

ROSS: Oh, I wish I could find love in anything and everything. It sounds like a happy life. Or are the TMNT forbidden to love?

KIFU: Do you think that the world is evolving into a more sexual-centered one, and that is the reason turtlecest is growing? Or do you believe that people are distinguishing themselves more prominently, in a--we'll say--disgusting sort of way?

ROSS: Gee, state a time when world wasn’t sexually centered. Oh wait, that was your childhood. My bad.

XILE: Both, nobody is trying to stop it either. The ones pushing this lustful practice on are very powerful.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Hmm, I like that. Say again that I'm powerful.

XILE: …Humanity is slowing being dragged down to dark deeds... many find that what they have is love, but it won't be enough eventually. I have a question for you, do you personally feel that sex is just enough? Many want more! MORE... and they can't get enough. What kind of people would we be? What would we do? How would we work? Feed the world, what about world peace? I only see catastrophe... and this is just one small detail in a big problem world-wide. Turtlecest is only a seperate issue amongst a bigger problem, I feel that we are all doomed if continued on this path...

ROSS: *giggles uncontrollably* The path of sex? Seriously Xile, did you just say that people should be fine with just sex and not want more (love)? What the heck? How would loving lead to a catastrophe?

KIFU: I personally believe that people are far too full of lust and need to hang back and see that sex isn't for enjoyment, but for the reproduction of our world. Sex isn't a way to 'have fun'.

ROSS: It is, what are condoms for?

XILE: You are a jewel amongst the peoples of this world, you are in a right state of mind *laughs at ease*

ROSS: When you have your first sex, Xile (and I put my believes in you that one day, you will), will you use a condom? Or will you father a child? Will you live in celibacy all your life and only have sex when your wife is ready to bear another one? I know that you are emotionally maturing, but you shouldn’t lose your view of reality man.

KIFU: Do you believe that the government should step in with this 'world catastrophe'?

XILE: They should have stepped in with a lot of different issues, they have yet to settle this one. And I don't think they could, you see, the ones that are causing the problems are in the government itself. I have no names, but you can certainly tell by whom just by the way they live

ROSS: Oh my God, I was right about Rasputin.

KIFU: How do you believe that we should stop this way of thinking?

XILE: By stopping this lustful play acting and grow up! Do you honestly wish to see our children in this practice?

ROSS: I certainly want to see some grandchildren.

KIFU: That brings up another point. Do you believe that as the world ages, people are de-aging in behavior?

XILE: Absolutely, children have been over-spoiled in many places, because they are given freedom of anything. While this is occuring- there are some different parts of the world where the situation is opposite. Where children don't have enough rights

KIFU: Inequality.

XILE: We are a tangled web, yes that is correct. Would you honestly wish to befriend a man or woman who believes that you can have sex with anyone or anything?

ROSS: Not really, he/she could screw my pencil case. But how’s that connected to the conversation?

KIFU: Again coming back to the origional subject, which age group do you think is most enjoying turtlecest?

XILE: Teenagers. Young teens

ROSS: Such as you.

KIFU: And reason why?

XILE: They are immersed in other practices besides the turtles. Lets say... schooling. You are allowed in some schools, for sex education, to have sex with a selected student.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: WHAT?! How come I’ve never heard of this? And… and since when do you need a permission to have sex with a fellow student, moreover a selected one?

XILE: …And they will protect you from becoming pregnant... or from having aids.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: By doing some weird magical incantation, I presume.

XILE: …This brings us to a small portion of the core of the situation... education. Often this particular part of every teens education is set out quietly

KIFU: Are the people who read and write turtlecest educated enough?

ROSS: I believe I am.

XILE: Most definitely, and that's the problem.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Why?

XILE: …They shouldn't know so much about sex-porn and more at such a young age. While they should know OF it. They shouldn't know everything ABOUT it. They shouldn't PRACTICE it

ROSS: …So, teen people have needs and hidden passions (and they know what those mean because they are well educated) but they aren‘t allowed neither to practice them, nor to have fantasies about them. All we’ve got left, according to you, is to repress them. Come on, even you must know that repressing things isn’t very healthy.

KIFU: I see. Very true.

XILE: I think it ignorant not to know of the many evils this world has inside

ROSS: Yes. I fight against illogicality and hating rants.

KIFU: Now I come to the question--do you think that it would be better for teens, tweens and older children to write turtlecest for their own eyes only, or for them to actually practice sex with another human being (or something else)?

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Let’s suppose that there was a „than“ instead of „or“ in the middle of that sentence, otherwise Xile’s answer wouldn’t make much sense.

KIFU: …Do you think turtlecest is a way for them to experience sex without actually doing it?

XILE: Yes and yes.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: I'm impressed. You’ve just agreed that writing turtlecest during your teen years is even better than quenching your desires by letting them out. Meaning, writing turtlecest is one of the best ways to cope with your sprouting teen sexuality! And wow, just how can YOU tell that t-cest can teach you anything about sex?

XILE: …But you see, it shouldn't be allowed at all. But since the world craves it, and there is no way yet to stop it. It would have to be so

ROSS: I’m glad we see eye to eye on that.

KIFU: Yes, but sadly I think the world can't swipe her hand and stop it.

XILE: Yes, I know very much so... Someone of great power must stop the destruction of this world... or we have no hope.

ROSS: Yes, the destruction by turtlecest.

KIFU: The human race needs to learn from the animals around us and slowly kindle our fire with other activities than sex.

ROSS: Um, state an animal that would not have sex if it could. And Xile has a solution for being obsessed with sex - writing turtlecest is better!

XILE: EXACTLY! Look at animal behaviour!

KIFU: Someone I know says 'baby steps'.

XILE: Did you know that many people suggest that animals can be gay as well? And that it is slowly and evolving part of nature? Let alone anything else that this world enjoys... But you see, animals are not as intelligent as we are. You see... they act upon INSTINCT

ROSS: Is that why we should "learn from the animals"?

KIFU: Humans think far too much.

ROSS: So we should forget about thinking and go to animal gay sex.

XILE: We act upon our own thoughts! Animals can mistake another animal as a female or male. It is very much so an issue. But it is a rare case. And after it is done, they may not recover from their accident... It is very sad, they don't mean to do anything wrong at all--often as well, if they are abused, they may have no control over what they do

KIFU: So you're saying the human moral is so low that they can stoop so low as to gay sex?

ROSS: Let me rephrase that: You’re saying that human beings think too much and therefore lower themselves to the level of instinctive behaviour of gay sex.

XILE: Even more then that, animal sex

KIFU: And human gay sex is the root of turtlecest. And animal gay sex.

ROSS: But turtlecest is NOT about people screwing animals! It’s about sentient beings of one species who DON’T WANT to have sex with another species, human or animal! It’s about four teenage boys just like you who can not get laid. Ever. …Wait, I think I hit the nail on the head. They’re exactly like you and you’re afraid that you might wind up in the same situation. But don’t worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea for you. Unlike for the poor four ninja turtles.

XILE: Yes most definitely both are. But then, you also have those who are straight, but believe in straight animal pair ups

ROSS: Is there a big difference between screwing a male sheep and a female sheep?

KIFU: Do you believe adults and teens should leave the TMNT just as a child's TV show to watch for entertainment, then?

ROSS: No.

XILE: Yes and no

KIFU: Explain, please.

ROSS: Please do.

XILE: I believe since the general public is on a more sophisticated level, certain improvements should be made to appeal to the general crowd. Real emotion, true valiance, and heroism. And better voice acting for that matter *laughing*

ROSS: Real emotion? Remember, it's real emotion that knocks the turtles into the snares of turtlecest.

KIFU: Haha.

XILE: Well, you see if this is not stopped, TMNT will no longer be a respected childrens show. Many look up to TMNT

KIFU: You believe it is Mirage's fault that fans have started up turtlecest?

ROSS: Nah, there would have been turtlecest had Mirage or had they not come up with the idea beforehand.

XILE: Definitely not, they are not a part of the fans ploy into their passions. Unless they have produced such comics-tv shows that support turtlecest.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: They have.

XILE: …They are not involved in such matters

KIFU: I see.

XILE: But now we have Nick to look to now. Will they force in some odd behaviour? For myself just as a general statement- I believe that family should be very close to eachother, in true love,

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Because loving a partner isn’t true love.

XILE: …having nothing to do with a sex level in the least. Hugs and kisses are a part of human/animal nature to show affection. Sex does not do such a thing

ROSS: Sex doesn’t show affection. Right. Ever. I’m really starting to worry about your future sex life.

KIFU: I agree.

XILE: It is only for and ONLY for reproduction

ROSS: I worry a real REAL lot.

KIFU: So, bringing this to a close, what is a general statement you'd like the public to hear?

ROSS: Turtlecest is free not to think about!

XILE: Oh really? Very well then, I do have one statement: Please, all of you who care, take a look at this problem! Do you all believe that turtlecest should go on? Do you not see the problems it brings?

ROSS INTERRUPTS: For example the anti-cesters?

XILE: …Will you let others get away with their dirty passions?

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Hell yeah I will, I have no business whatsoever with other people’s dirty passions!

XILE: …Or will you strive to make a change for once! This is YOUR decision, not those in charge of TMNT and more. I truly believe, if we want TMNT to take it up a notch on what it stands for and all that is good... we must stop the dark roots from getting any deeper

Kifu: And lastly, if we were to place ourselves in the turtles shoes, do you think if they knew about turtlecest, would they want it for themselves?

ROSS: Depends on what turtles you're talking about. About the toon ones? Or about the realistic ones? Because I’m pretty sure that in time, some of the realistic ones would take to the idea. They know they won’t ever get a girl of their own kind. So either they do bestiality (with human or animals… wait, that’s a new concept. A TMNT making out with a turtle) or they turn to each other. Letting them live without any kind of sexual release but masturbation for the rest of their lives would be cruel, I think.

XILE: I think if we took in the turtles, considering their background and through what they have gone through, we would understand that they would really detest this idea in every aspect. Would Raph want to hurt Mikey? Or Leo to Don? Or Leo to Raph- vice versa.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: You’re assuming that doing turtlecest will hurt them. It doesn’t HAVE to, you know. Is all you have read rape-fics?

XILE: …They would have to be on the verge of insanity and with no control over their actions.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Sounds pretty much to me like the situation of finally realising they are not getting laid in their life. Oh, the frustration in their pants!

XILE: …But they are not insane are they?

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Because the toon doesn’t cover sexual behaviour, just like it doesn’t cover all the gore and blood and regret of killing somebody.

XILE: …And they are in control of their actions! Wouldn't you think they would want to kill the ones responsible for this ick they set out in the world?

ROSS INTERRUPTS: They COULDN‘T even if they wanted to. Leo would recognise it as a failed mission even before it started.

XILE: …Because, readers, listeners, if they truly existed, if they really went through all that they have according to the comics and the tv series PLUS the movies... I think they would do everything they can, especially Leo, to stop the public from destroying their honor.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: And they would be devastated to learn that it already has.

XILE: …And they would do anything they could to stop it from hurting them...

ROSS INTERRUPTS: For example ignore it. Hey, I’m seeing even more connections between you and the turtles!

XILE: …they would fight to the end of time itself with the same passion as they would for saving the world. Save the turtles today, and put a stop to this Turtlecest!

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Makes me glad turtles aren’t real. What you’re describing really does sound like an apokalypse. The only way to destroy all the cesters within their lifetime would be like, atomic bombs all over the world. Donnie could manage that, no sweat.

XILE: …Have feelings for once and do something FOR THEM even if they are only in fantasy.

ROSS INTERRUPTS: Give them Mary Sues! And pair them up with April so that the bestiality can show itself!

XILE: …Fantasy is an escape from this world, not a copy of our world alone.

ROSS: Yeah, the New York the turtles live in is totally not based off of ours.

KIFU: And there we have it--not only an issue to the lovers of the TMNT, but something rooted in the evil, dark corners of the world.

ROSS: Like the minds of teenage fanboys and fangirls.

XILE: Thank you for having me here Kifu, I thoroughly enjoyed this experience we had.

ROSS: Translation: I thoroughly enjoyed this hating rant with you.

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