Nothing Could Stand in his WayNothing could stand in his way once he had come so far. Nothing. Nothing. Everything would be swept away by his momentum. Everything would give in. He had left, he had been alone, he had contemplated. He had come back with decisions formed and attitude calculated to fit the situation. He came so far to face it. Only... Hah! Only to find it was different! So much had changed while he was gone! It was an insult to his decisions, once he saw that they weren’t the best anymore! He was where he started once again. Actually, he was even behind it. He found himself dragging behind his brothers, for all of them had already made their decisions, only they were allowed to make them in contact with the situation. He should have thought of this. His presumptions that nothing much would change were wrong. All the work was for nothing. And everything stood in his way. He was bumping against every little thing, getting into fights without wanting to, nearly hurting his brother because he didn’t have enough insight for him. He had to stand strong, he kept telling that to himself. But it took all the energy he’d stored in himself to prevent the worst. He had just come back and there were already new threats, new foes and new dangers. He wasn’t prepared enough. He failed. ........... “One must be like water. Go with the flow, you know?” “You’re kidding me. You can’t shoulder everything alone. Wake up!” “Hell no. We’re here for you. We’ve been waiting for so long and now what, you want to leave again?” Yes, he wanted to leave again. He wanted to go back to the soothing green and become one with the shadows. “When you must choose between two paths, always choose the harder one. Be brave.” “Be brave Leo.” Brave. What did it mean, to be brave? Did it mean he wasn’t allowed to give in? That he must carry the weight of his world and never say a thing? “To be brave... it means to face things. To know what you’ve gotta do and do it. It ain’t about not being scared, really. That’s believing. Being brave is about conquering those fears. Meet them head on, you know? Like... looking them in the eye and say, I know you’re there but now that I know you, disappear. And then do what you’ve gotta do without hesitation.” What was his fear? That he would fail. That they would fall apart with him, and it would be his fault. How could he confront it? By telling them. “But Leo, you... you don’t have to control everything right now. You don’t have to deal orders if you don’t want to. You can just... take it easy. We’ve held up for so long, we can show you how we did it, and when you’re ready, come and join us. No pressure from us.” It was like he threw off a very heavy bag. He felt like he could fly if he jumped into the air. He just agreed that it would take more time before nothing would stand in his way again. And that he could afford to wait. |